A Very Interesting Day

So today instead of going to Long Island, I went to Crossgates Mall in Albany. I was having a pretty nice, relaxing time clearing my mind and gathering my thoughts until about 11:30 when I realized I missed a call from Michelle. Now, normally it's a good thing that she called. Well this time it wasn't such a great thing that I called back because we got into a huge 45 minute argument about how the past couple months have been going. It seems no matter how much we talk, we always end up worse than when we started. Basically she told me that she wants a real break, where we only talk a couple times a week, it's ok to date other people, that she isn't going to tell me where she's moving at the end of this year, and that basically if we don't miraculously end up near the same place, we're over. Wow. I can't even begin to describe how I feel right now. Best-case scenario is that she is just having a bad day. Worst-case scenario is that she's serious. I'm really hoping for the first one, but it seems more the second. I really don't want things to be over between her and I. I also told her that I don't want to be friends with her. She said I was being selfish for that but I just can't stand to see her with someone else. I know she's already seen me with other people, and I really truly am sorry for that, but I just can't. She and I were never meant to be just friends. We are best friends as a couple, but I just can't see myself as just a friend.
With that said, I hope she finishes out at least these last couple months in the hopes that I can try to show her that feeling is still there, so she'll know she can just trust me. I think I can do that because in my blog recently I said I think that's what she's looking for, today, she practically said it. So I really would like the opportunity to see if that can work. I also need to start listening to her. Gone are the days where she can say something and I do what I want anyways. It is a different scenario now, and our relationship depends on my attention to what she is saying. I mean I've really been stupid lately. I beg her to tell me what she needs, she tell me certain things and then I almost completely ignore it. Today in the conversation we had, I told her that I do listen to her, but on the drive home I thought about it, and I really don't. I need to start right now. I will stay true to what I said and not call her until she is ready to call me, but I really hope that's sooner than later, because I'm anxious to as she put it "be normal." I am anxious to show her that she will not be making a mistake by getting back together with me. I'm anxious to show her that I really do care about her with all of my heart. I will never be able to explain my actions, I don't think. But hopefully, in the coming months, she will be able to see that there is no way on this earth that anything like that will ever happen again. I cannot wait til she can see it in my eyes that I mean everything I say, forever, this time.