Randomness

Randomness.

My life seems to be full of it lately. I just keep having these thoughts about certain things that I can't get out of my head. Time will sort it all out I suppose.

Anyways, I haven't had the chance to talk to Michelle a lot lately because she's been on vacation for 2.5 of the last 3 weeks, and a lot of the time she hasn't had service. It sucks but I'm glad she's having a great time. We've shared a few short calls and even a couple half hour ones along with sporadic text convos now and again, and they keep me going while I can't talk to her "full-time." I miss her terribly and this is the reason why I'm having all these thoughts that I can't even seem to rationalize, and I am the king of rationalizing things, so you can see where I'd be having a problem. I've recently realized that I am running very short on time with her, and if things don't change soon, the stupid, ignorant, irrational, nean, and - more fittingly - immature decisions I've made regarding her in the past may haunt me for the rest of my life. So instead of "giving it time" and "wait and see," as phil can attest to, I've decided to take a much more aggressive approach on dealing with that whole situation. And I don't mean in the annoying, pressure-exerting "c'mon shell, just jump back into a relationship with me, who's broken your heart again and again." No, I finally realize that time is not my friend, rather that it is finally against me. So, in the hopes that it is not too late, which it may very well be (although I don't think that to be the case, otherwise she and I wouldn't still be talking about it, as countless of people have told me) I have decided to try anything, no matter how outrageous it seems, or futile the attempt may turn out to be to show this girl, as unlikely a match she may be (as anyone who has known me prior to meeting Michelle can back up that she is - was, rather - anything but my "type"), that she is the world to me, and I cannot, nor do I want to imagine a world or my life without her by my side as my partner, lover, confidant, but most importantly, my best friend. So, I can now say that whatever happens from here on in is what is meant to be with she and I, and if I am so lucky as to be able to show this wonderful girl that everything can and will be ok between us, that she can trust that I will never leave her side again, no matter the distance between us, and that she has me - all of me - for the rest of our lives, then I will be able to say that God (and it has to be God, because there is no other rhyme or reason why such a wonderful person would give me the amount of chances that Michelle has afforded me) has given me a gift that I could never repay with my life. If all I get in this world is Michelle, than I have been given more than enough for 100 lives. I love you, Michelle.

I have a lot more to say, but honestly I am not in the right frame of mind or mood to talk or type about anything else at the moment. All I know is the very near future will answer alot of questions either way.